So you’re in love. The days are brighter. The birds are chirping in your ear. Everybody’s twitterpated and you’re thinking, “This is the one. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, all the reasons make sense. The world is telling me- let’s get married. We’re in love. Let’s jump into it!”
Don’t do that!
I’m telling you right now, don’t get married just for love. Let’s talk about it.
Don’t get married for love. That sounds pretty heartless. That sounds monstrous, but let me explain.
Hopefully, you’re in love with this person you’re thinking about getting married to. I think you should be in love with the person you want to get married to. Love is a fantastic thing.
Love is fantastic, but love also skews your thinking. And what we’re trying to do here is make logical adult decisions.
Put Your Love In A Box (For Now)
What I need you to do, for the purposes of this marriage decision process we’re going through together, is to take your love, stick it in a little heart-shaped box, and set it up on a shelf in your mind.
It’s still there. You still love that person. Nothing has changed, except that you’re going to try and separate your emotions from your logical mind.
You’re going to ask some adult questions, both of yourself and your partner, and you need to separate yourself from your hormones to make decisions about what’s going to happen to you.
Getting Married Is An Adult Decision
Deciding to get married is one of the most adult decisions that you can make. It’s going to change the rest of your life, so don’t do it on a whim and don’t do it because you’re feeling really happy right now.
People that get married for love alone are building a magical castle in the clouds that they just hope to live in someday. Or they’re throwing darts at a magical relationship dartboard in the dark and hoping they land on a bullseye.
That’s not the decision process you want to go through. If it is, then you should stop reading this and just go get married. It’ll be fantastic I’m sure. But if it’s not, if you actually want to intentionally figure out if your partner is a suitable mate for you, then do what I ask.
Get Married For Logical Reasons
Try to separate yourself from your emotions right now. Think logically about marriage.
Marrying specifically for love and figuring, “I’ll iron out this person later,” indicates that you’re thinking you can chain somebody into whatever kind of fictional thought that you have for them. You’re going to force them into some kind of jello mould in your soul. That doesn’t work and you should check out my post all about how you cannot change people.
It can be hard separating your positive emotions for a person while at the same time asking deep questions. When you get in the weeds, it’s hard to remember if you do love this person. That’s when you can open the box. Take a little peek, say, “Oh, I do love them. It’s going to be okay.”
Let me know if you’re having problems separating your emotions from your logical decision process. Leave me a comment.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading. There’ll be more.