I’m going to make a controversial statement (for some of you), but it’s important to talk about as we progress along your marriage decision path.
Don’t get married WITHOUT HAVING SEX. Let’s talk about it.
Make Love For A Better Marriage
Don’t get married without having sex. I can feel the hatred and surprise emanating at me from some of you for making this dangerous statement. But if you will hear me out, I’m going to lay out my logic and you can see if it makes sense to you or not.
Try Before You Buy
Let me give you a hypothetical scenario.
You’re going to a car lot of no particular brand. This lot is filled with cars that you would want to buy. You can look at any car they have on the lot and have to buy, right now, the only car that you will ever be allowed to drive.
But here’s the catch:
- You can’t open it.
- You can’t start it.
- You can’t drive it before you buy it.
- And oh yeah, the contract is irrevocable (meaning you can’t get out of it) and you have to pay for the car for the rest of your life whether you like it or not.
You can look at the color. You can look at the curves. But you can’t hop in and drive it around the block.
Does that sound like some kind of contract you’d be willing to sign? Does that sound reasonable? Hopefully you’re saying, “That’s really stupid! I would never sign up for that!”
Who knows what’s even underneath the hood? It could be a tiny, one cylinder, go-kart engine in there. Are the wheels going to fall off? Is it squeaky? What’s the mileage? What’s going to happen to this car?
Give You Partner A Test Drive
A responsible adult would never sign a lifelong deal like this.
So, if you would never do it with the thing that you need to go around in all the time, every day- why would you do that with the person that you’re going to marry? The person you’re going to sleep both with and next to you for the rest of your life?
Because I’m going to make an assumption that if you’re the kind of person who wants to wait or who feels they need to wait to get married before they have sex, you’re probably not a big fan of divorce. So you’re in this for the long haul, like our car example.
Let’s take it now to the bedroom, or the supposed bedroom that you’re going to have, because you don’t know what you’re talking about- you haven’t had sex yet!
What if you get married, you jump in bed, and this person is horrible. You can’t stand being in bed with them. What if they don’t want to have sex very much? What if they want to have sex too much? What if they want to have sex the way you don’t want to have sex?
It sounds stupid. It sounds trivial, but these are huge issues! Unhappiness with sex is a big drain on the happiness of your marriage and can lead to problems further down the road that you don’t want to have.
Don’t Stop With Sex
I’m going to also take my tip one step further- not only should you have sex prior to getting married, you should spend the night with that person. And you should wake up next to that person the following morning.
Why am I saying that? Here’s another Alex quote:
They are unwashed. They do not have makeup on. Their hair is not done, their breath stinks, they are disheveled, they are tired, they are not put together, and they do not have a chance to compose themselves before meeting you.
This is the most real you will ever see this person.
So I invite you to give them a test drive. Sleep with them to see if you even can sleep with them. Maybe they kick like a horse all night and you can’t even sleep in the same bed, who knows? And you can’t change people, we talked about that in a previous post. So now you’ve got an issue.
Take A Look At Your Real Partner
Wake up in the morning and look at your boyfriend/girlfriend while they’re sleeping. Like I just said, this is the ugliest they’re ever going to be, so take a big long look and ask yourself:
I hope you do this. I hope that you do this before you get married because it’s really important.
Decide What You Want- Not What Your Religion Dictates
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room for a moment.
I’m not here to give you religious advice and if you object to sleeping with someone on religious grounds, there’s not really anything I can do about that.
I would just ask you to look inside your heart and look inside your mind and decide if whatever religion you follow would really be upset if you were to be happy in your marriage. Is that what people are trying to get you to do? Be unhappy? You need to answer that question for yourself.
I kind of don’t want to tread all over your morals, feelings, or religious beliefs. That’s on you and you alone. You don’t need to explain it to everybody or to anybody, but just sit down and think about this for a minute because it’s important.
Avoid Unwanted Pregnancies!
One final note- if you decide to take my advice and have sex before you get married- wear protection. You do not need an unwanted pregnancy messing things up, because you could hate having sex with your partner and now you’ve got a whole separate slate of issues.
So have protected sex. It’s important. STD’s are bad, unwanted pregnancies are extremely undesirable, so make sure you’re wrapping it up.
Let me know if you hit any major roadblocks on this ‘having sex before getting married’ issue. It’s wasn’t an issue for me and my wife, but I know with some people it is. Leave me a comment.
We have very good friends that waited for sex until they got married and it worked out great for them. But to me waiting for sex is building castles in the sky again and just wishing for the best, as opposed to actually figuring out what it is you want before you get married.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading. There’ll be more.