Everybody likes to have an escape route in life, a fallback position if things don’t work out. I can always do “this.”
If I lose my job, I can get another job. If my car breaks down, I can get another car.
But when you’re deciding to get married, if you’re thinking in the back of your mind, “Hey, we’ll just get married and if it doesn’t work out, then we can always get divorced,” I’m going caution you right there- think again.
Let’s talk about it.
Marriage Is A COMMITMENT
Regardless of your moral, ethical, or religious background, understand that when you are getting married to someone you are making a commitment to them. I have a whole post on what it is that you’re committing to and if you haven’t read that make sure you check it out.
So you’re making a lifetime commitment to somebody.
That might not be what’s in your mind, if you’re thinking about using divorce as a plan ‘B,’ but that is conceivably in the mind of your partner. So if you’re going into the decision to get married already thinking about a way out, I would like you to do the following:
- Stop right now.
- Go talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
- Be honest with them.
You could tell them maybe now’s not the right time. You could decide you’re just not ready to commit to anybody.
But don’t make commitments to people, especially lifelong commitments like marriage, and figure, “I’ll just divorce you later.” Decide if and when you want to get married and don’t be pressured by your family or some sort of expectation of your partner.
Separation Gets Harder Down The Road
It’s better to be honest now than to get divorced later down the road, because as life goes on, eventually you’re going to have some bank accounts together. Now you have to split those up- that’s going to be a pain.
Then you’re going to own a house. Who gets the house? Who gets the boat? Who gets the truck?
Well wait, now you have kids. Oh- who gets the kids? Who’s paying for the kids? What will we teach the kids?
What happens to my retirement? Who pays for medical benefits? Who pays for this? Who pays for that? You don’t want to go here.
If you’re thinking divorce might be an option because you’re really not sure you’re comfortable getting married, just chop it off now.
Be honest with your partner. You can put the marriage discussion on pause and decide to just date. You know that you don’t need to get married right now. There’s no particular rush, is there?
You need to make an adult decision. Let me know how it goes. If you think otherwise, leave me a comment. Let me know your point of view.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading. There’ll be more.